Octopussy

Over 80 and looking for fun?

Are you male or female?

Do you need specs to read this? Sorry- DO YOU NEED SPECS TO. oh, never mind...

Looking for someone who understands what you want?

If you answered yes to all these questions

Look no further- you have found just what you have been looking for!

Octopussy- a club just for you!

Look at the benefits and compare where else you will find them:

Find-a-person - our database of people over 80 years old looking for you!

Private services - for that intimate touch you thought you'd forgotten

Pills'n'potions - Including that one! We love stiff competition.

Want to get on top of the situation? - Let us help

Location service - Forgotten where things are? We here often do - Buy our special map

Instruction book - Found the things but forgot what they do? We here often do - Try this book to remind you.

Rapid funerals - if the excitement is just too much. (Confidentiality maintained)

Discrete transport service - including distracting care home matrons whilst you are coming & going. Well, going, anyway.

Financial assistance - secured loans from our L. O. Anshark finance division (Medical required - you must be in bad health for this service)

Special requirements? - Sheep, llamas, mounting goats and more! Just ask when you book. (Extra charge applies, rhinos charging even more. Fido (our dog) not available but his habits would turn even you off)

Contact Fiona on 01952 696969 and get your problems licked with a free* information pack. Start LIVING! (but pay first, just in case)

* P&P £534, in advance

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